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 Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry

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3 posters
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orestes85
Hellion
orestes85


Posts : 86
Join date : 2012-04-09
Location : Toronto Area

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PostSubject: Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry    Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 04 2014, 15:36

We regret to inform you that your application to the Coven of a Thousand Screams has been rejected. Your methods are unreliable, your technique clumsy and most of all you’re alarmingly unstable. Don’t ever contact us again.

Another Coven enslaved by their cowardice, Quin-har thought as he crumpled the letter in his hands. He only resigned himself to demonstrate to so-called masters so he could find out if they were worthy of his time and not the other way around. So far none met his requirements.

“Is something the matter?” Abizala asked.

Quin-har kept his smirk and turned back to her. Abizala sat comfortably on the surgical table with a slight lean and crossed leg. Outwardly the wych looked confident, but Quin-har could see unease in her eyes. They darted around his laboratory, taking measure of their surroundings. To her it would look like a cluster of vials, beakers and other odds and ends. But someone knowledgeable in the dark arts would see that he had amassed the finest surgical equipment and the rarest ingredients. Alone Quin-har had accomplished this, a lab worthy of Rakarth himself.

“Everything is in order. Once your armor is off we shall begin. Soon you will have the speed and strength of a khymerae, as well as it’s retractable claws.” He replied.

She unfastened her belt and hesitantly began peeling off her Wych suit.

Quin-har couldn’t help but leer as he began filling the first injector. Her white skin stretched across toned muscles and she had just the right amount of scars to accent her beauty. He’d never worked with as fine a specimen before.

“Where are your assistants?” Abizala asked.

“Don’t insult me. Masters like myself don’t need assistants to perform such routine surgeries.” Quin-har said.

Her eyes continued to move nervously. She knew something was amiss.

The injector finished loading.

Quin-har moved towards her, and her eyes stopped on his.

In that instant Quin-har lunged for her but she was fast. Abizala hurled off the table. By luck Quin-har’s flailing arm caught an ankle and she fell to the floor. He toppled after her, pinning her with his strength. She kicked at him furiously and he weezed in pain. He held on and delivered the injector into her neck. It took no more than a moment for the kicking to stop and her body to go limp.
Panting, he rose and laid her on the table. Although her body was paralyzed those eyes continued to follow him as Quin-har began the surgery.

After hours of diligent work, Quin-har stared at his subject. Clumps of grey fur grew at random. The mutated organs and muscles in her body fought for space, resulting in a hideous mess where none could thrive. However, the chest rose and fell proving Abizala yet lived.

Although not what Quin-har had intended, he lifted his chin with pride and began preparing his next application.
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The Crystal Archon
Slave
The Crystal Archon


Posts : 8
Join date : 2014-05-31

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PostSubject: Re: Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry    Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 04 2014, 19:40

Sounds like the dark eldar version of army doctors!
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orestes85
Hellion
orestes85


Posts : 86
Join date : 2012-04-09
Location : Toronto Area

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PostSubject: Re: Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry    Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   I_icon_minitimeThu Jun 12 2014, 20:12

Any suggestions on how to improve my writing/story is most welcome. This was my first attempt at something like this so any feedback would be appreciated.
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Thor665
Archon
Thor665


Posts : 5526
Join date : 2011-06-10
Location : Venice, FL

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PostSubject: Re: Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry    Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   I_icon_minitimeFri Jun 27 2014, 04:56

This was really well done, and created two interesting characters very quickly, which is a talent all in itself. I am not sure if any other story managed as well in that regard, usually focusing on one, or just not sweating fleshing out anyone. But this was a tale of two actors, and well done int hat regard.

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PostSubject: Re: Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry    Trial and Error, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   I_icon_minitime

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