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Lady Malys
She Who Must Be Obeyed
Lady Malys

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PostSubject: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeSat Jun 16 2012, 13:37

For those of you who haven't seen Skippy's List List it's a list of things one should definitely NOT do while in the army. I got to thinking, what are the things one shouldn't do while in a Kabal ... I'm sure we can find one or two ...


The 213 Things a Kabalite is not allowed to do in the Black Heart


+ Not allowed to poke shadows randomly "to look for Mandrake spies". Mandrakes are always behind you.

+ Not allowed to greet our Mandrake allies with "It's behind you!" pantomime-style.

+ Darklight is not a diet form of darkness.

+ It is not permitted (or wise) to taunt Wyches about having funny tan lines.

+ It is not permitted to refer to Scourges as either "Budgie Boy" or "Batman".

+ Our unit Haemonculus is not Dr. Death.

+ Even if this makes him smile.

+ Do not make the Haemonculi smile.

+ My Ravager does not get to park anywhere it wants to.






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The 213 Things ... Tdcawardssigcombosmalys
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Cavash
Lord of the Chat
Cavash

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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeSat Jun 16 2012, 14:10

+ It is not wise to play pin the slave on the Ur-Ghul.

+ Do not challenge new recruits to swimming races in the River Khaides.

+ Do not challenge Supreme Overlord Asdrubael Vect to a game of Scrabble.

+ It would be sensible not to refer to Nyos Yllithian as El-Uriaq's cuddly toy.

+ It is not recommended to ask a Mandrake to 'hold your Ice Cream', no matter how warm the day is.

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The 213 Things ... YiVCUio


Last edited by Cavash on Sun Jun 17 2012, 00:04; edited 2 times in total
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Lady Malys
She Who Must Be Obeyed
Lady Malys

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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeSat Jun 16 2012, 14:29

+ A Klaive is not for cutting cake.

+ I may not dress as a Lhamaean while on duty.

+ I may not fight for my right to party.

+ Wracks have many specialist roles, but there is no Coat Wrack, Drying Wrack or iWrack.

+ Do not tickle an Incubus on duty.

+ Or off duty.

+ I have not developed Hypertweezers as a countermeasure to the Splinter Rifle.

+ A shadow field does not constitute full dress uniform.

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The 213 Things ... BbGpM5p
The 213 Things ... Tdcawardssigcombosmalys
~ Aim to please, shoot to kill. ~
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Cavash
Lord of the Chat
Cavash

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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeSat Jun 16 2012, 15:13

+ Do not call the Grotesques 'Ugly'. They have feelings too.

+ I should not Mosh-Pit with the Hellions.

+ I can not ask Duke Sliscus to give me a poem.

+ I am not allowed to crack open my Dracon's Ghosplate armour expecting his voice to go high pitched.

+ No, the Name Kabal of the Hopping Bunny is not scary enough.

+ It is not advisable to caption murals of Harlequins with 'Taste the Rainbow'.

+ Sliscus is not your local dealer.

+ The Cult of the Seventh Woe is not a Pleasure House.

+ Lelith Hesperax does not work there.

+ I am not allowed to set up a tours business to Aelindrach.

+ I am not to lick Tau slaves to get high.

+ I must not play 'Toss the Tau'.

+ It makes the Slavemasters cry.

+ Duke Sliscus is not David Bowie.

+ Incubi do not need a hug.

Edit:

+Even though they may look tasty, Agonisers are not Liquorice Whips.

+ I don't care what the steroids have done; shaving the Talos is not advisable.

+ Gnarlskin is not like onion skin. Do not peel the Wracks.

+ Stroking the Cronos will not make it purr.

+ I must not shave with a Venom Blade.

+ Raiders do not require fluffy dice.

+ Do not play Buckaroo on Kheradruakh.

+ Or Drazhar.

Edit:

+ Do not play Frisbee with a Shattershard.

+ It is idiotic to keep you watch near an Animus Vitae.

+ Shredders do not use the correct type of net for your Entomological pastimes.

+ Staring down the barrel of a Blaster to see if it is loaded is not advised.

+ I must not have a staring contest with a Medusae.

+ Scourges do not enjoy being plucked for your new company, ‘Quills ‘Я’ Us’.

+ Getting a piggyback ride from a Mandrake does not make you invisible.

+ Do not boil a Razorwing’s eggs.

+ Boiling a Razorwing’s eggs upsets the Beastmasters.

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The 213 Things ... YiVCUio


Last edited by Cavash on Sun Jun 17 2012, 00:05; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Thought of more.)
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The_Burning_Eye
Trueborn
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeSun Jun 17 2012, 00:47

- The archon's court is not a petting zoo.
- Do not feed the Khymerae after midnight (they turn into cuddly fluffy creatures with a penchant for humming)
- Do not poke the clawed fiend, it makes him angry (you won't like him when he's angry)
- Don't tease the haemonculus, you'll only regret it when he peels off your face

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CaptainBalroga
Sybarite
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeSun Jun 17 2012, 01:33

-Never make a bet with a Haemonculus when death is on the line!
-Do not flaunt your plasma grenades in front of the Incubi.
-Do not flaunt your ten Incubi in front of Drazhar.
-Do not state that Baron Sathonyx's extra-large hellglaive is "compensating for something". Within earshot.
-Do not ask Lelith if all of her hair is weaponized.
-A Master Haemonculus' exquisite arcane wargear is not stored in a "toybox"
-Even if they were, do not go looking for said box!
-Our Succubus ally is not a "big Hekatrix"! She is very sensitive about her combat ability/girlish figure!
-Three Razorwing Jetfighters do not constitute a "Razorwing Flock"
-Please do not refer to the elegant Venom's hail of poisoned death as "more Dakka"
-On that note, our brilliant Archon's strategy is far more complex than "Chop the shooty ones, shoot the choppy ones!"
-This is why the Archon, and ONLY the Archon, is allowed to utter "Exactly as planned!"
-Yes, this armor is the best we could afford for you tube-spawned. Problem, Kabalite?

Finally:

-"I killed Mephiston, and all I got was this lousy Pain Token" is NOT an acceptable slogan for your squad banner!

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Cavash
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeSun Jun 17 2012, 01:41

@CaptainBalroga wrote:

-"I killed Mephiston, and all I got was this lousy Pain Token" is NOT an acceptable slogan for your squad banner!

Hahaha, excellent. Golden cookie for you.

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The 213 Things ... YiVCUio
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Painbiro
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeSun Jun 17 2012, 02:13

Sounds like Space Marine commandments, and who doesn't love those?

-NEVER put on zombie voices near Grotesques
-I won't call the Grey Knights overpowered when one psyfleman dreadnought destroys all our transports. Wait until said psyfleman dreadnough is gone.
-I must not suggest that Vect should join that weekly chess game between Tzeentch, the Emperor, Cegorach and the Deceiver, no matter how awesome he is.

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dominus nox
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 19 2012, 06:11

- You shall not use Vect's Dais to "Pick up".
-"Relax, it'll grow back." is not a valid reason for removing any of Urien's limbs.
-The Chronus is not a party keg.
-Having a Scourge on your shoulder does not constitute a pirate costume.
-Your Raider will not "Do a barrel roll."
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Lady Malys
She Who Must Be Obeyed
Lady Malys

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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 19 2012, 14:33

Quote :
-Having a Scourge on your shoulder does not constitute a pirate costume
Very Happy

+ I am not to point helpfully to Urien's face and tell him "you have a little something just there"

+ It is never a good idea to respond to your opponent with the phrase "oh yeah you and whose army?"

+ .Supreme Overlord Asdrubael Vect is not compensating for his lowly birth by having a really big shiny title

+ Supreme Overlord Asdrubael Vect is not compensating for anything else by having a really big shiny title

+ Do not refer to your tube-born fellow warriors as 'jar babies', it makes them cry.

+ No, this does not make them 'jar cry babies'.

+ I may not suggest 'Make love not war' as a unit motto.

+ I may not suggest this as a motto for our Wych allies.

+ Supreme Overlord Asdrubael Vect has no secret embarrassing middle name. and I am not allowed to run a unit book on what the embarrassing secret middle name he doesn't have is.

+ I am not to spend all our unit's propaganda fund on printing out Advice Archon posters.

+ We are Ynneas Eladrith, we thrive on pain and suffering! Therefore getting a papercut does not excuse me from weapons practice.

+ Not even if it really stings.

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The 213 Things ... Tdcawardssigcombosmalys
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Saintspirit
Court of Cruelty
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 19 2012, 17:49

- Rubbing a Soul Trap will not cause a genie to materialize.

- Never intend that Lhamaeans have much to do with llamas.

- Yes, Hellions might be unbearable teenagers, but that does not permit you to seize their ears.

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shamroll wrote:
Dang! I was hoping Tyranids followed the Pokemon naming idea. A big Carnifex running around just yelling "Carnifex! Carni-Carnifex!" followed by a squad of termagants all saying "Termagant" to each other.
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dominus nox
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 20 2012, 05:48

-You shall not greet Scourges with "Who's a pretty boy then".
-Nor shall you offer them Crackers.
-There must always be a Vect in Commorragh.
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Cavash
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 26 2012, 01:26

+ Old Archons with big shoulder pads are not 'top heavy Weebles', and I should not attempt to tip them.
+ Neither must I take my squad Incubus tipping.
+ Do not use a Huskblade to cut vegetables with.
+ Attempt to set up a Grotesque Rodeo at your own risk.

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funkyfibes
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 27 2012, 05:23

@CaptainBalroga wrote:
-Never make a bet with a Haemonculus when death is on the line!

You can never go wrong with a Princess Bride reference.
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thejamppa
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PostSubject: Re: The 213 Things ...   The 213 Things ... I_icon_minitimeMon Jul 09 2012, 23:25

+ No matter how many slaves you buy, you still need to participate real space raids.
+ You may not spank mon-keigh on duty, no matter how many pain tokens you might get.

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