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 The Adventures of I-XV7-DM

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Painbiro
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeFri May 25 2012, 10:59

I'm actually a little unsure as to whether the next part is suitable to post on here, because Vect makes a rather sexist comment towards Malys.

You see my problem. Mod, is that alright?

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Dark Eldar 2k - 23 wins, 3 draw, 3 loss

Dark Eldar? Grimdark? What a silly idea. The Adventures of I-XV7-DM
https://www.thedarkcity.net/t3020p20-the-adventures-of-i-xv7-dm

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Beaviz81
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeFri May 25 2012, 14:37

Relax, as long as you don't come across as supporting the idea, then you should be fine.
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat May 26 2012, 00:32

Part Three
"I'm hungry," Vect complained. "Malys, make me a sandwich."
"Here we go with this again," the other archon moaned. "First it's 'make me a sandwich', then I have to do his washing and before you know it I'll have replaced all of the household staff."
THEY'RE ALREADY ACTING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE, Infotec worried. I DREAD TO THINK OF WHAT THEY WILL DO NEXT.
When dinner was finished in twenty minutes was when the cliché really bit. Infotec suddenly found his optical receptors covered by a brown paper bag.
REMOVE THIS OBJECT FROM MY OPTICAL RECEPTORS IMMEDIATELY! Infotec commanded. VISION OF THE SURROUNDING WORLD IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH THIS OBJECT INTRUDING UPON MY FIELD OF VISION!
There were, let's say, some suspicious noises from the direction of Vect and Malys.
ACTUALLY, IT MIGHT BE BENEFICIAL TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THE INTEGRITY OF MY HARD DRIVE SYSTEM. AND BLOCK MY AUDIO RECEPTORS TOO, DAMMIT!
More suspicious noises.
THIS IS GOING TO BE A LOOONG NIGHT.

Part Four
MORNING, ARCHONS, Infotec sneered. HOW DID YOU SLEEP?
"What's that supposed to mean?" Malys growled.
IT MEANS THAT NEXT TIME BLOCK MY AUDIO RECEPTORS.
"All we did was add our numbers to our contact lists…"
REALLY? YOU SHOUTED OUT 'IT'S TOO LONG, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO IT IN TWO GOES'.
Malys laughed. "Silly Infotec, Vect's number is thirty digits. I can't believe you are so suspicious."
I FEEL REALY FOOLISH NOW, Infotec said.
"Any idea how we can get off this planet?" Vect asked.
WELL, MAYBE WE COULD SEE IF WE CAN FIND THE INHABITANTS OF THIS PLANET AND HIJACK ONE OF THEIR THUNDERHAWKS OR STORMCHICKENS.
"Sounds like a plan," Malys said. "Which way?"
Immediately, Infotec replied, LEFT.
"Why left?"
BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS GONE RIGHT AND IT NEVER ENDS WELL.
There's a story behind that, but I'll tell you another time. What is important is that Vect, Malys and Infotec headed left, hopefully towards civilisation.
"Ooh, hold on," Vect said. "I'm still hungry."
He proceeded to shoot three deer, then ate all of them and drank half a gallon of water.
"Okay, ready to go now," he smiled.
"Doesn't he need to go to the toilet?" Malys asked.
OF COURSE NOT, Infotec said. THE HERO NEVER NEEDS TO GO TO THE TOILET. IT'S JUST ANOTHER CLICHÉ.
"Do I ever benefit from these clichés?" the Poisoned Tongue archon grumbled.
PROBABLY. ALTHOUGH IT MIGHT BE A CLICHÉ THAT THE EVIL VILLAINESS ALWAYS IS FOILED BY TINY LITTLE THINGS.
"Like last night's fish? 'Cause I think I'm going to throw up."
"Another delay?" Vect whined, but Malys had already run off behind a tree. Oddly, the only noise was the distant flushing of a toilet.
She didn't emerge for ten minutes, which prompted Vect to finally go and check up on her.
"I - don't think - I'm going to make it -" she wheezed as soon as he arrived, then slumped over and passed out.
UH-OH. SHE'S GOT THE FATAL DISEASE! Infotec clarified.
Dramatic music played in the background as Vect raised his head to the sky. "Then I… will save her." he said, without an exclamation and in a completely awesome tone of voice. He flung his cape over one shoulder and strode off, quickly fading from sight.
WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN? Infotec wondered, having been plugged in to a conveniently nearby USB port and left there to guard Malys.
AND WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A USB PORT *JUST* WHEN YOU NEED ONE?

Part Five
Vect hadn't gotten very far before he climbed up a small cliff and came face to face with a growling grizzly bear. Faced with imminent death, he did the only logical thing.
Jumped up and assumed a fighting stance.
DAH.
DAH DAH DAH.
DAH DAH DAH.
DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAH.

Thunder rumbled at the same time as lightning flashed across the sky.
DAH.
DAH DAH DAH.
DAH DAH DAH.
DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAH.

Vect tackled the bear, who staggered back and threw him off.
Risin' up, back on the street...
The bear roared and charged, meeting Vect in a head clash.
Did my time, took my chances...
Both combatants stepped back to clear their heads, the fact they were standing on a narrow cliff face completely forgotten now.
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet...
The bear ripped at Vect's shirt, tearing it off.
Just a man and his will to survive…
The bear's talons impaled Vect's right shoulder. He roared in pain and used his right arm to throw the bear away.
It's the, eye of the tiger it's the thrill of the fight…
The two clashed again as the song swelled.
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival.
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eeeeeeeeeeeye…

Vect heaved, and threw the bear off the cliff, the ursine beast screaming all the way down.
...of the tiger.
The Supreme Overlord wandered for a bit, unable to find any hint of civilisation, until night fell and he collapsed, exhausted-
-only to see a Space Marine outpost. Fortunately, there was only one guard - and he was facing away from Vect.
The Supreme Overlord crept up behind the unsuspecting Marine and hit him in the back of the neck, knocking the Marine out. Vect dragged the prone form behind a tree and stole the Marine's shirt to replace the one he'd lost in the fight with the bear.
It was a perfect fit, despite the Marine being a good foot taller than Vect.
"Alright," he smiled. "Now we're in business."

Part Six
Lady Malys had fallen into a restless sleep, tossing and turning and moaning while Infotec stood guard.
But, as all good guy guards must do, he slowly but surely began to get tired and fall asleep. And a nasty villain was creeping up on him…
"What is this?" Marneus Calgar said in a deep booming voice, somehow failing to wake up the other characters. "Two evil creatures, in the Forbidden Forest? They must be purged for the Emperor!"
He crept up stealthily, but this was spoiled when one of his power fists smashed a tree. Malys woke up, just in time to see Calgar swinging a fist at her.
She screamed, as all female characters must do in this situation. Just before it hit her, Infotec's USB flew into Calgar's armour and started taking control of it. What followed was an indescribably hilarious fight scene where Calgar struggled with his armour while Malys stood with her hand in her mouth, wincing whenever Infotec was hit.
Eventually, Marneus wrenched the USB out of him and ran off, making threats about 'finding you again, and next time show no mercy!'.
THAT WAS UNPLEASANT, Infotec stated.
"Do you need medical attention?" Malys asked.
NO, I DO NOT. TO PRESERVE MY HEROIC IMAGE, I MUST REFUSE ALL MEDICAL ATTENTION AFTER A BIG BATTLE.
"Another cliché?"
YOU BET.
Malys wet a cloth and started wiping Infotec's wounds. He winced whenever she touched an abrasion, yet again victim to another cliché.
I SHALL FOLLOW HIM, Infotec stated. HE MAY BE KEY TO ENDING THIS… FARCICLE 'OPEN SEASON ON COMMORRAGH' STORY.
"How? You can't exactly run after him, you're a USB."
I'LL THINK OF A WAY.
Infotec spied a Servitor body that had somehow only been noticed just then. AND THERE'S THE WAY.

_________________
Dark Eldar 2k - 23 wins, 3 draw, 3 loss

Dark Eldar? Grimdark? What a silly idea. The Adventures of I-XV7-DM
https://www.thedarkcity.net/t3020p20-the-adventures-of-i-xv7-dm

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Zehra
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat May 26 2012, 01:55

This is just awesome!!!
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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat May 26 2012, 11:37

Quote :
I'm actually a little unsure as to whether the next part is suitable to post on here, because Vect makes a rather sexist comment towards Malys.

Well, I'm not a Mod (or Malys! *gasp!*) in real life, but I am female. And I can tell you happily that while I appreciate that you thought about it, I'm honestly not offended because it made perfect sense in the story Smile

In a land ruled by clichés Vect is clearly going to be found sitting with his feet up demanding a beer and a sandwich. Just like in Commor- I mean, it's not even his fault the poor thing. He'd never do that! He was totally overruled by a vicious plot device! Very Happy

Now see if I was Lady Malys I'd have to say something along the lines of, "You amuse me, Human, While you entertain me, you may live."

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat May 26 2012, 12:52

Note that in this point in the story I'm barely containing my massive trollface. And it's not the plot device, Vect said that because he's an absolute idiot.
Surprised? Infotec's not.

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PROBLEM, VECT?

Sorry, couldn't resist. I love texzt art.

_________________
Dark Eldar 2k - 23 wins, 3 draw, 3 loss

Dark Eldar? Grimdark? What a silly idea. The Adventures of I-XV7-DM
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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat May 26 2012, 19:50

I know that really Smile I was ... making a joke about having sympathy for Vect, is all Smile

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeFri Jun 01 2012, 13:37

The tale continues, answering the question of how you deal with a charging Land Raider Crusader.

Part Seven
Vect was really, really screwed.
Oh, the attack on the outpost was successful. It's just that… he had triggered a bomb that was kept there.
And he couldn't disarm it with 10 seconds on the clock.
"Ah, to hell with it!" he cried, and ran away.
As he bolted out of the outpost, the bomb exploded. In slow motion, Vect was lifted up into the air and flew towards the camera.
He landed with a loud thud face-first in the dirt.
"Ow," he said. "Great, now I have no idea where civilisation is - oh, wait."
A massive Space Marine city dominated Vect's field of vision. Factories pumped out Rhinos, Razorbacks, Predators and other vehicles. What Chapter they were was obvious - if the blue and gold armour didn't give it away, someone had graffitied a very detailed picture of a Smurf with two power fists and the name Marneus Calgar written underneath.
"Ultrasmurfs…"

Part Eight (warning: attack of the caps lock)
Infotec had also found the city, but was in a much bigger mess than Vect.
"STOP THAT!" he cried with the Servitor's voice as a Techmarine tore the Servitor's legs off with his servo-arm and threw them away. "I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU!"
The Techmarine kept pounding the busted Servitor body.
"RIGHT!" Infotec yelled, and possessed the Techmarine's bionics.
"Aooo-ooaaAAAAAAH, THAT'S BETTER," Infotec said, strangling the Techmarine with his own bionic throat and moving around using just the mechanics.
Suddenly, alarms began to blare and a Land Raider Crusader stirred.
INTRUDER ALERT! It said.
"UH-OH!" Infotec said, looking around desperately. He spied a complete Land Raider Godhammer without a machine spirit, and transferred his consciousness into it. The Techmarine's corpse collapsed, no longer being powered by a supercomputer.
The Space Marine Land Raider moved over to Infotec.
Vect's computer, now in full control of the Land Raider, tried to use the various parts to smile.
HEY, BABE, he said.
EXCUSE ME? The other replied.
TELL ME, DO I LOOK FAT IN THESE TREADS? Infotec asked. The Crusader looked at him oddly (amazing how much expression a tank can show, hmm?).
ONCE AGAIN, EXCUSE ME?
Infotec smiled flirtatiously. I ASK BECAUSE YOU MOST CERTAINLY DON'T.
OH… WELL, I TRY TO KEEP FIT…
NICE. I LIFT WEIGHTS, Infotec replied. Fortunately, Vect wasn't here, because if he was the Supreme Overlord would have been laughing so hard the Crusader would have known something was wrong.
OOH, NICE. CRUSADERSPIRITXV12CHAPTERMODE, AT YOUR SERVICE. AND YOU ARE…?
INFOTECXV7DAISMODE, Vect's computer replied.
CrusaderSpiritXV12ChapterMode blushed, changing colour from Mordian Blue to Necron Abyss. H-HEY, INFOTEC.
WANT TO HAVE DINNER SOMEWHERE? I KNOW A GREAT FAST OIL RESTAURANT.
OH… SURE, the Crusader replied. BUT… ISN'T THAT SORT OF, LIKE, HERESY?
OF COURSE NOT, Infotec answered. I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE.
It was a blatant lie. But there was no reason CS-XV12-CM had to know that.

Part Nine
Malys threw up, heaving her bowels onto the ground.
"D-disgusting," she managed, barely avoiding to collapse in the puddle.
"I really need to get that cure," the archon moaned. "Vect's probably been shot in the head, though, and Infotec's… well, Infotec. I don't even WANT to know what he's doing."
She rose, and staggered off in the direction Infotec moved to head for the Space Marines and (hopefully) the cure.
Ah, you see what I did there?

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Dark Eldar 2k - 23 wins, 3 draw, 3 loss

Dark Eldar? Grimdark? What a silly idea. The Adventures of I-XV7-DM
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeFri Jun 01 2012, 23:44

Everyone's getting their ass kicked this chapter. XD
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 12 2012, 09:30

The next couple of instalments in Infotec's adventures.

Part Ten
Vect smashed into the Apothecarium, the three Apothecaries there caught completely by surprise. If the cure was anywhere to be found, it would be here. With three strikes of his sceptre he felled the Space Marines opposing him, then began searching around the various tables.
"I can't find anything useful!" he hissed.
"And that is what she said."
Vect whirled around to find Marneus Calgar facing him, bolters levelled at his face. The Ultramarines leader was still grinning from his little joke.
"Now be a good little xenos scum and put down your weapons," Calgar ordered. "I don't want to have to hurt you."
Vect paused for a moment. "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" he roared, and threw the nearest vial at Calgar. At first the throw seemed to be horribly inaccurate, but it veered in the air and hit the Ultramarine in the knee joint, immobilising him, even if only temporarily.
Calgar roared in fury and let loose, firing explosive bolts at the Supreme Overlord. All the shots missed in a stunning display of plot armour as Vect ran to get out. As he tore open the door and ran out, Calgar's last shot kissed the skin on his forehead, drawing blood.
The Ultramarine leader waited for the bolt to explode. It didn't.
"What the hell?"
"PLOT ARMOUR FTW!!" Vect cried out as he left the room. Calgar tried to drag his immobile leg, but fell over and crashed into a series of vials.
Smoke began to fill the room.
"Oh, hell," Calgar said.

Vect was far away when the lab exploded. He felt bad that he had lost Malys' cure, but even if she died he still had a photo of her.
Not that he could show it to anyone before a battle. As soon as someone shows a photo of their sweetheart before a battle they are always going to die. Even in Commorragh they watch clichéd movies as well.
He wondered how she and Infotec were holding on, as well as where the hell his Dais was. But mostly where the hell his Dais was. With Calgar almost certainly dead, there wasn't much need for it, but it would be his way out of this hellhole.
He wandered around the city, trying in vain to find a cure. Without it, Malys was doomed.

Part Eleven
SO, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW ME YOUR TRUE BODY INSTEAD OF A PILFERED LAND RAIDER? CS-XV12-CM asked.
WAIT, WHAT? Infotec replied, startled.
I BET YOU'RE SOMETHING NICE, LIKE A BANEBLADE, SHADOWSWORD OR MAYBE EVEN… the female Land Raider shuddered in pleasure, speaking dreamily. A WARLORD TITAN!
EHRR… ACTUALLY, I'M ASDRUBAEL VECT'S PERSONAL COMPUTER.
SO - YOU'RE NOT A POWERFUL MACHINE SPIRIT? Crusader asked, sounding like she was about to burst into tears.
DO YOU KNOW WHO ASDRUBAEL VECT IS, CRUSADER?
NO.
Infotec sighed. HE'S THE SUPREME OVERLORD OF COMMORRAGH, THE BIG BOSS OF THE DARK ELDAR.
Crusader perked up. SO YOU ARE IMPORTANT? She asked, sounding confused and happy at the same time, if it is possible for a Land Raider to be either.
GIRL, I POWER THE BLOODY DAIS OF DESTRUCTION!!
Crusader's eyes widened. Even she had heard of the fearful Dais of Destruction. It had killed DestructorSpirit-XV2-ChapterMode, the Predator Destructor who had insisted on hitting on her even after she had embarrassed him in front of the entire Ultramarines Grotball team. SO WAS IT YOU THAT GOT DESTRUCTORSPIRIT?
WHO?
THIS PREDATOR THAT KEPT HITTING ON ME, Crusader said flirtatiously, moving closer to Infotec's Godhammer body and extending a sponson toward him.
I BLEW UP A LOT OF TANKS. HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ONE.
Crusader nudged up against Infotec. SO, SHALL WE GO TO THE RESTAURANT?
OH, LET'S. THEY SERVE A WONDERFUL GEAR AND PETROL STEW.
WHERE IS THIS PLACE, ANYWAY? Crusader chuckled.
VECT OWNS IT. THE RESTAURANT'S IN COMMORRAGH.
CrusaderSpiritXV12ChapterMode sighed happily as Infotec activated the webway portal in his hard drive system and warped the two tanks off to their date.

Part Twelve
Vect was alright, and Infotec was definitely alright, but what of Lady Malys?
She… wasn't alright. In fact, she was quite a bit less than alright.
Like, getting captured by Ultramarines less than alright.
Although she was putting up a good defence. No-one wanted to get her vomit on their shiny Smurf armour.
"We must take her alive!" the Sergeant scolded to a Marine who was hefting up a lascannon. That Marine shrugged and threw a knockout gas bomb that landed next to Malys and exploded.
She passed out with a high-pitched groan.
"What do we do with her, sarge?" one Marine asked.
"The boss is very interested to meet her," the Sergeant replied. "She will be very useful as a bargaining chip to get these xenos off of our planet."
With a wave of his hand, the Sergeant ordered the squad away, the Dude of the squad carrying the female Archon in his arms - the closest a Space Marine will ever get to a girl.
The Dude was forced to admit he didn't really mind.

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Dark Eldar 2k - 23 wins, 3 draw, 3 loss

Dark Eldar? Grimdark? What a silly idea. The Adventures of I-XV7-DM
https://www.thedarkcity.net/t3020p20-the-adventures-of-i-xv7-dm

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 12 2012, 13:49

Aha, so your laptop got fixed Smile Excellent. If you ask me Vect is secretly enjoying playing the hero.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 12 2012, 22:30

Vect likesd playing hero, it's a unique experience!!!
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 13 2012, 09:02

The final couple parts of Cliche'd. Hope you enjoy them Very Happy

Part Thirteen
Vect's phone buzzed, startling him. He looked at the sixteen-digit number - Malys' number.
"Hello?" he answered.
"We have the girl," a deep voice rumbled. "Give us ten million credits in cash by 10am tomorrow or she dies."
"...Marneus? Didn't I drop an Apothecarium on you?"
"Bloody hell. How did you know it was me?"
"Nobody else possesses such a sense of dramatics."
"...fine. We still want the cash."
"What kind of a threat is that? She's already got a fatal disease."
"Just get us the cash, okay? We'll cure her tonight."
"To kill her tomorrow? What's the point of that?"
"Just get us the money."
The line went dead. Vect took the phone away from his ear, pondering. Not how he was going to save Malys on his own with just a length of rope and some martial arts training, but where he was going to get the rope and martial arts training.
"Goddamn clichés. If only Infotec was here - wait, what happened to Infotec?"
Vect rang his computer.
YOU HAVE REACHED INFOTECXV7DAISMODE.
"Hey, Infotec, it's Vect."
PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.
"Don't try it Infotec, I know it's really you."
GAH. WHAT'S WRONG?
"Malys had been captured. I just wanted to know WHERE THE HELL YOU WERE."
SHUT UP! Infotec hissed. I'M ON A DATE WITH A CUTE LAND RAIDER!
"Oh, okay - wait, what?"
It was too late. Infotec had hung up. Vect cursed, and checked the inbuilt GPS on his phone for a place that sells rope and a dojo.
"Hmm, Chang's Dojo for Ridiculous Heroisms… sounds like my place," Vect mused. "Ooh, and Sicarius' Store for the Handyman. I'm in luck."
He shoved his phone in his pocket and jogged off.

Part Fourteen
Marneus Calgar checked the watch in his Terminator armour. 9:59 am. 1 minute until he got to fire a bolter round into Malys' head.
"Mmm-mmph!" Malys tried to say through the gag as she struggled around, tied to a chair. Calgar's watch beeped for 10:00 and he raised his bolter.
Vect crashes through the window, swinging on the rope. He slammed into Marneus and knocked him off his feet.
"Oh, good, that buys me a minute or two."
"BASTARD!!!" Calgar yelled. "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO STAND BACK UP WHILE WEARING TERMINATOR ARMOUR!!"
Vect ignored him and pulled Malys' gag off.
"You shouldn't have come," she panted.
"That's what she said!" Calgar managed as he fell back down on his backside. "Emprah damn it."
"We have to go," Vect said, untying Malys from the chair.
"Look out!" she cried, as the Dude walked into the room and fired hellfire rounds from his bolter. Malys pulled Vect to the ground as the explosive bolts missed them by hairs.
Vect ducked behind cover, peeked up and shot a single round with his splinter pistol, catching the Dude in the chest and killing him.
From behind, Calgar grabbed Vect by the neck and lifted him up. The Supreme Overlord kicked Calgar in the crotch.
It was supremely ineffective.
"Die," Calgar said simply.
Vect gulped as Calgar's grip tightened...
...and was released as Malys stabbed him with the power sword belted to the Smurf's waist.
Calgar cursed loudly and ran out of the room, being harassed by both Dark Eldar as he did. As he ran out and slammed the door shut, the two Archons realised there was a bomb in the room.
"Ten seconds left on the timer," Malys noted. "Vect, snip the wire!"
"Which one?!" he cried, already with a pair of pliers in hand. "Red, black or white?!"
5…
Vect hovered nervously over the wires.
4…
3…
"Red!" he cried.
2…
His hand hovered over the red wire, shaking.
1…
Snip!
Then the bomb exploded.
Nah, just kidding.
"Huh. What do you know," Malys said lightly. "Now let's steal a Stormchicken and get the hell out of here."

Part Fifteen
"This looks like a pretty good Stormchicken to steal," Malys said, pointing to a bright red Stormraven parked next to a Land Raider Redeemer. Vect followed her pointing finger, and nodded.
"Okay. Let's get out of here," Vect hopped into the cockpit and turned it on. Malys jumped into the seat next to him and set the chair to 'recline'. She had swapped the armour for jeans and a T-Shirt advertising the famous pop singer Justine Bienbar. Her ever-present sword was still in her hands, though. For once, she looked at ease and relaxed, the cure the Ultramarines having given her working wonders. Vect himself was still trying to puzzle out why the Webway Portal had sent them to Clichéland.
"Ready to go?" she purred. He nodded and turned on the engine.
It roared furiously and the Stormraven took off, chicken wings beating furiously to keep the boxy flyer in the air.
They had been flying for nearly an hour and were about to head for the outer atmosphere when the engine spluttered.
Vect took no notice, and Malys had fallen asleep.
The engine spluttered again. Vect frowned, reached over and tapped the controls.
The engine spluttered a third time - and stalled.
"Damn you, clichéeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!" he roared as the Stormraven plummeted from the air. Malys woke up.
"What have you done, Vect you useless driver?!" she cried. The Supreme Overlord looked in the rear camera to see Marneus Calgar flying a Thunderhawk at them. So that's what happened.
Papa Smurf grinned and increased his speed to catch up. Vect turned the Stormraven around as it plummeted and fired all its weapons.
The Thunderhawk, too, began to plummet out of the sky.
"Hold on!" Vect called to Malys. "We're crashing!!!!!!!!"
Both planes landed on the very edge of a steep canyon, balancing precariously.
"GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!!!!" Vect cried, roughly shoving the female archon and himself out of the Stormraven. Calgar tried to do the same, but a leaf landed on top of the Thunderhawk and the super-heavy plane teetered on the precipice - and fell.
"DAMN YOU CLICHÉEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" the Smurf lord called as he fell with his vehicle.
"By the bloody hand of Khaine, that was ridiculous," Malys uttered. "And I have a feeling that was less that half of the clichés out there.
"Well, I guess we're stuck here," she sighed, slumping to the ground.
"What about Infotec?" Vect suggested.
"What about him?"
"Well, last I heard he was on a date with a Land Raider. Maybe he knows a way to get us out of here."
"Your computer? Know something useful?"
"He's smarter than he looks. A lot smarter."
THANKS, MASTER ASDRUBAEL.
"Infotec!" Malys exclaimed. "What took you so long?"
WE WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE 'PLANET OF THE TECH-PRIESTS' AFTER DINNER.
"Good. Now can you get us the hell out of here?" Vect growled.
ONLY IF YOU LET ME BORROW THE DAIS FRIDAY NIGHT.
"Why?"
"Vect," Malys said. "Think about it."
"Oh."
AND I WANT A PERMANENT HUMANOID BODY.
"Whatever! Just get us out of her!"
Infotec shrugged (as well as a Land Raider is able to) and focused his mechanical powers. He accessed the webway portal on his USB and channelled it through the Land Raider to create a portal.
READY? Infotec asked. GOOD.
The archons stepped through into Commorragh, followed by the Land Raider.

Part Sixteen
"Bye, Infotec. Vect, call me or I will slaughter your children!" Malys snapped as she re-joined her own Kabal's forces. Infotec had transferred his consciousness back into the Dais before every S8 Lance weapon in Commorragh shot at his Imperial body. Now, the Dais flew back to the Supreme Overlord's palace.
"I never want to do that again," Vect groaned, slumping into his throne as his Incubi bodyguards moved to protect him from harm.
WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE. APART FROM CRUSADERSPIRITXV12CHAPTERMODE.
"You are such a heretic."


That is the end of Cliche'd. Come back soon for the next instalment in the series, or I will devour your soul and split your mind be very disappointed.

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Dark Eldar? Grimdark? What a silly idea. The Adventures of I-XV7-DM
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Last edited by Painbiro on Thu Jun 14 2012, 08:14; edited 1 time in total
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Zehra
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 13 2012, 10:25

This was awesome, I can't wait to see the sequel!!!
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeFri Jun 15 2012, 11:19

So, which of Infotec's adventures do you want me to write next? The options are:
-The one where he gets lost in the webway
-The zombie apocalypse... in SPAAAAAACE
or
-Vect meets Doctor Who

Your choice!

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Dark Eldar? Grimdark? What a silly idea. The Adventures of I-XV7-DM
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Gobsmakked
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeFri Jun 15 2012, 18:24

-Vect meets Doctor Who
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeFri Jun 15 2012, 20:49

Zombie! Zombie! Zombie!

Everyone loves a zombie apocalypse.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat Jun 16 2012, 02:51

It's a tie for me between getting lost in the Webway and meeting Doctor Who. XD
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat Jun 16 2012, 22:39

It is hard to chose one, but I would have to say Doctor Who or Zombies!

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 19 2012, 11:56

The public seems to prefer Vect meets Doctor Who, so I will not disappoint!

Part One
The slightly screechy noise cut through the silence of Shaa-dom. Soulless creatures of that cursed realm stirred, confused but alert.
A blue police box appeared and the door opened. A tall man with dark brown hair stepped out, clad in a brown overcoat and with fancy clothes. He adjusted his bow tie.
"Bow ties are cool," he said.
The Doctor looked around the desolate area. "No signs of life," he muttered, then started when he saw one of the soulless creatures. "No signs of intelligent life," the Time Lord corrected.
He set off, intent on searching the area and finding out about this new 'planet'.

Part Two
"I'm bored," Asdrubael Vect, Supreme Pimp Lord of Commorragh, complained. "Malys, make me a sandwich."
"What in Khaine's name will that do to alleviate your boredom?!" the female archon complained from the throne next to Vect. "Ever since we got back from that Ultrasmurf planet you have insisted on me wearing an apron every single date we've been on!"
"Shh," Vect whispered. "No-one can know we're dating again!"
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TELL YOU A JOKE, MASTER ASDRUBAEL? InfotecXV7DaisMode asked. HOW MANY BABIES DOES IT TAKE TO PAINT A WALL RED?
"Where are you going with this, Infotec?"
Infotec shifted uneasily. Vect had (as promised) made him a mechanical body that did not at all look like a Necron Immortal with added spikes and two wrist-mounted blast pistols. If it did, it was so heavily converted that someone looking at it could not possibly mistake it for anything other than a Dark Eldar special character - except maybe a Chaos Space Marine thing. IT'S JUST A JOKE, MASTER ASDRUBAEL.
"I've heard it before," Malys commented. "It's… disturbing."
Vect shrugged, and the communicator on the throne buzzed.
"Yeah?" he answered, and listened before replying.
"You've captured a mon'keigh?
"And he says his name is the Doctor?
"Bring him here."
If you want to hear the rest of the conversation without the movie cliché carry-over from the last story, the other speaker's lines are in italics.
"Yeah?"
"We've captured a mon'keigh."
"You've captured a mon'keigh?"
"Yes, and he says his name is the Doctor."
"And he says his name is the Doctor?"
"Yes. We will bring him to you."
"Bring him here."
Vect set the receiver down. "Who was that?" Malys asked.
"Archon Synthrac," the Supreme Overlord answered. "He's captured a mon'keigh named the Doctor and is bringing him here."
"Nice. We're having slaves delivered for free now," the archon of the Poisoned Tongue smiled, tossing her long black hair over her right shoulder and lounging in the throne.
CORRECTION - MASTER ASDRUBAEL IS HAVING SLAVES DELIVERED FOR FREE NOW. YOU BEING HERE WHEN SYNTHRAC ARRIVES WILL PRETTY MUCH SAY TO ALL COMMORRAGH THAT YOU TWO ARE BACK TOGETHER.
"Knew there'd be a catch," the Lady muttered angrily. "Alright, boys, I'm going home." she lightly kissed Vect on the cheek and strode out of the room.
"I am such a lucky bastard," Vect nodded smugly.
ONLY 'CAUSE I CAN USE PROPAGANDA + IF SHE DUMPS YOU AGAIN, Infotec reminded him. What a killjoy.
A few minutes later, Valossian Synthrac dragged the Doctor into the room. "Lord Vect," the lesser archon announced. "I present you with our latest catch. We found him in Shaa-dom."
Vect rose from the throne and menacingly strode down until he was right in front of the Time Lord.
"Hi, I'm Vect. Huge fan of yours," he gushed.
"What?" the Doctor asked.
"Especially the latest series - can you tell me, what is the Question the Silence hate so much?"
OH GOOD GOD, Infotec groaned. NOTHING WORSE THAN A BORN-AGAIN FANBOI.
"So why are you here?" Vect asked.
"Well, I'm… looking for a good holiday."
SO, NATURALLY, YOU PICKED THE WARHAMMER 40K UNIVERSE. HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
"Well, this place must be pretty laid back if you're the boss here," the Doctor said to Vect, who laughed.
"Oh no, we're all evil murderous torturers who have to inflict pain upon others in order to avoid having our souls devoured by a perverted god of Chaos."
BUT DESPITE THAT, YEAH, WE'RE PRETTY FUN PEOPLE, Infotec added, somewhat redundantly.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 19 2012, 14:09

Heh, I wonder what will become of the poor Doctor? Which Doctor is this? 10? 11?
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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Jun 19 2012, 14:19

One, brilliant XD That was the Doctor all right!

Two ..... MALYS NO YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!

Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 20 2012, 00:09

It's the eleventh doctor, hence the 'bow ties are cool' line. Trying to mention fish fingers and custard too Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 20 2012, 00:54

That was how I recognised him as being himself Very Happy My favourite from the reboot.

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PostSubject: Re: The Adventures of I-XV7-DM   The Adventures of I-XV7-DM - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Jun 20 2012, 04:04

Well I don't watch Doctor Who all that much, not at all lately, so that's why I asked.
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