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 A Path of Light and Shadows Part 1

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lululu_42
Kabalite Warrior
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Join date : 2011-07-27
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PostSubject: A Path of Light and Shadows Part 1   Wed Jul 02 2014, 22:53

Here is the first part or chapter whatever you want to call it of the fluff I am typing for my Dark Eldar / Eldar army. Sorry for poor grammar but it is something I suck at. If anyone's interested in more I'll gladly wright more so any comments and critiques are welcome.

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“Stand on your feet Brother!”
His voice echoing through the desolate war torn streets.
“Or has your will been broken?”

The taste of blood and sweat dripped down his face flowing into his mouth as he tried to form a plan. The pain was searing through his body as if a thousand needles where being repeatedly thrust-ed into every nerve in his battered body. He slowly raised himself to his feet  to face his enemy. A man he once called his mentor, a brother, but mostly a father. Pulling off his damaged helmet the light from the sun blinding him only for a moment before his eyes quickly adjusted to look upon his mentor who had betrayed him.

The smell of burnt corpses washed over him like the waves over a rock. The pain made it hard to breath and felt as if he was suffocating. He showed as if he hasn't been injured but both knew the truth. The long campaign had taken its toll on both of them though none of them showed any external signs of exhaustion. Small eruptions of bolter fire sound exploded off in the distance; knowing full well that they had lost the planet it was only a matter of seconds that seemed like an eternity before the sound of silence had taken over.

“You have betrayed us! You betrayed everything we fought for and everything we stood for!”

Like a motionless statue from a foreign god as his old mentor stood there pondering of days of yore. He spoke shaking all nerves from him and undoing over a millennial of training that had prepared him for battles of unspeakable horrors.

“If you could only understand that my actions have saved you and our brothers. This planet was lost before we even had set foot upon its soil. There are billions of planets and yet you fight as if this planet had a significant meaning to you're so called god.”

The crunching of rubble beneath his mentors boot snapped him out of his trance.

“Your god sends us out to bring these planets to him in his name while we bleed for him. He sits upon his throne speaking of protecting his people yet we are the ones dieing; protecting his hallow words.”

His mentor was no in front of him as a the feeling that he had lost so long ago swelled up. He knew there was no hope left. His will to fight had been destroyed by his mentor. The doubt of the god emperor protecting him was gone. His mind had now been beaten; he felt as if he was nothing more than a mere child facing pure oblivion.

“It seems our transaction is complete.”

A low raspy whispering voice coming from behind him; as he felt a knife pierce through his power armor. The sudden pain quickly disappeared as a new feeling of fear rushed through him just as fast as the knife piecing his back. Then there was the sudden pull on his soul as it desperately tried to cling to the flesh it had occupied during his lifetime. He suddenly found himself what seemed to be some kind of crystal prison which with out the warmth of the emperor he felt as though he was drifting through the coldness of space for eternity.

He could see his captor toss over to his mentor some kind of ancient relic that was older than mankind itself and with a pleasing nod he was left to his fate by his mentor who walked off into the war torn city for who knows what he was planning.

A heavy sigh came from his new xenos master as if the alien was expecting a more stimulating conversation from the captain.

“Well I guess I should let the twins know that there plan has gone over perfectly.”
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Cavash
Lord of the Chat
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Join date : 2012-04-15
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PostSubject: Re: A Path of Light and Shadows Part 1   Sat Jul 05 2014, 13:10

I likes this piece so far. I am intrigued to read what will happen next. All good stories have betrayal in them. Smile

And don't worry too much about the grammar, it's something that can be worked on.

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Lady Malys
She Who Must Be Obeyed
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PostSubject: Re: A Path of Light and Shadows Part 1   Sat Jul 05 2014, 20:38

I very much enjoyed both the atmosphere and the scene-setting! I could picture the area in my mind: battle-scarred, ruins here and there, a dark sky. (That's what I saw, anyway ... )

I don't say I'm an expert, but if you would like me to proof-read anything then let me know Smile

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