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 Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry

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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Tue Jun 03 2014, 19:26

Thanks to Cakeaunoob for threatening to make guinea pig curry if I don't quit procrastinating and damn' well post like an Archon.

Disclaimer: I have an unusual request. I specifically do NOT wish for critique. My reasons for doing so are peculiar and probably unique, but I would request that my wishes are heeded as a matter of courtesy. I will give a brief explanation: if someone gives me feedback on how to change my work, I feel that their input will always have come from them, not me, and therefore make them a co-author. Thus, the story is no longer my own and, like a mother bird, I know I will abandon my offspring because now it doesn't smell like truly mine any more. It doesn't matter if I don't use their advice, the scent is there! I'm particular about crediting authors with their work. You can see how this might have a bearing on a competition for me ... Smile

Note, this only applies to me and my peculiar psyche, I don't expect anyone else to think this way. If I am asked for critique, I am happy to give it, and I don't expect to be called a co-author!

That said Smile

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Proud Angel

The screams of the Scourge-to-be softened into mere murmurs as his nerves could sing no more. Looking down, Vriss smiled beatifically. Such skill, soon to be added to the fine display of her work among the elite of the Dark City. She ran a long-fingered hand lightly over his sweat-soaked brow, tilting the laser probe minutely. Fresh agony flooded his system and he moaned softly, shuddering, exposed muscle-grafts quivering like plucked strings.

Make me an angel … It had always been this way. Coming to the Master Haemonculus full of pride and vainglory, confident that they could endure the surgery and take their rightful place in the heavens. Such confidence – arena performers, bored Kabalites, idle children of the rich and privileged. But unless they had been touched by the Shapers, had truly come to know the meaning of suffering, how could they hope to transcend through the glory of pain? Only on wings such as these could they truly ascend. Only on the pinions of the transformed soul could they truly come to know rebirth as a Scourge.

His gasping cries rose and fell with her instruments, and Vriss allowed herself to bask in the aura of suffering. She hummed a little as she worked, her mind drifting as she implanted germ cells, tiny, accelerated feather-seeds in neat rows, already flowering in the heat of his pain.

Germ-cells such as these might have transformed Ascaron’s child in the womb if she had been chosen to be the mother of his Trueborn. Her work was exemplary. Ascaron knew this; he had often praised it to his rivals, boasting of her skill. What better choice to provide the Archon’s heir than a Fleshcrafter, skilled in the lore of the body? Vriss’ chin tilted as she worked, anger lending a frisson of viciousness to her needle hand. She was more than good enough. She would have been no mere highborn incubator. She knew his body far more intimately. She could reaffirm and delineate the slender curves of his skeleton, the silk wrapping of his muscles sliding over them in flawless symmetry; she could tune the implicate folds of his nervous system like a voidharp.

Instead he had chosen the arrogant daughter of a lineage no more ancient than her own. One with the gall, the hubris to style herself Lady of the Thousand Wings! Alastria  bought her aerial troops while she, Vriss Selventhrane, created them, nurtured them, distilled them from agony and desire. She, who had fashioned the four-winged Lord of the Crimson Pinions, Vect’s own messenger, as her final, magnificent apprentice-work!

The jagged pain of the slipped needle tore a cry from the nascent Scourge of utter anguish, finally giving way to slow-burning ecstasy as peacock wings unfurled. Bloody drops outlined the midwife in a corona. Stepping back to gaze upwards, Vriss smiled, the slights of the past forgotten. Let her Archon amuse himself with play-acting and tradition. Here was truly a work to be proud of.

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Last edited by Lady Malys on Wed Jun 04 2014, 03:07; edited 1 time in total
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Cakeaunoob
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Tue Jun 03 2014, 19:37

I loved this. I want to know more about Vriss and Ascashka!
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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Tue Jun 03 2014, 19:47

Thank you *bows* I'll admit it took me a lot to post, but in the end I'm glad I did!

You remembered  Smile so now I must see what I can do Very Happy

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The Crystal Archon
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Tue Jun 03 2014, 20:44

I really like it Smile a solid piece
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Cakeaunoob
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Tue Jun 03 2014, 21:10

Of course I remembered! A Rendezvous in Aelindrach is a beautiful piece. I could see everything so clearly in my head.
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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Wed Jun 04 2014, 02:26

Thank you both!

Quote :
A Rendezvous in Aelindrach is a beautiful piece.
 Embarassed [is that the blushing smiley?] I am glad it made such a good impression Smile

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Alpharius
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Wed Jun 04 2014, 10:50

really good story  Smile 
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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Wed Jun 04 2014, 17:10

Thank you! Smile

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Tengu
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Wed Jun 04 2014, 19:57

That was good. I always see Scourges as like Tengu, -transformed by their hubris into something demonic.
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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Wed Jun 04 2014, 23:57

Thanks! I certainly see them as prideful and having no lack of ego Very Happy

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ArmchairOrrery
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Fri Jun 06 2014, 02:45

Wooooow that's a good one. I could picture everything so clearly in my mind - I didn't know wings could be described so beautifully in so few words. Good luck!
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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Fri Jun 06 2014, 19:48

Thank you kindly! *bows* And the same to you for your excellent an atmospheric tale!

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Jimsolo
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Sat Jun 07 2014, 04:32

This ruined my whole night.  Laughing

Reading this was what I imagine it would feel like if you went to an open mic night at a comedy club and did a really nice set, and you were sitting at your table feeling pretty decent about yourself, and then like FIVE minutes before closing George Carlin steps out of the crowd to do a set.  

 Laughing   This is amazing.  Hands down, spectacular work.  I tried to be all jealous and resentful, but the truth is that this is just a really stellar piece.  Good luck!
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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Sat Jun 07 2014, 18:19

Embarassed ... wow, I don't know what to say ... Thank you for your words. For myself, I haven't seen a single story here that wasn't both atmospheric and captured the spirit of the Dark Eldar, most certainly including your own!

I believe that it will be a very, very close competition, and I wish you all luck with it Very Happy

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Thor665
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Fri Jun 27 2014, 04:57

As I said in my review of it for judging "Malys’ descriptive work is just sinuous and always a pleasure to read. The descriptions drip with flavor and paint a beautiful image in the mind’s eye."

Sums this up nicely.

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Lady Malys
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PostSubject: Re: Proud Angel, Secrets of the Hidden Library 2nd Annual Competition Entry   Fri Jun 27 2014, 23:17

Thank you Thor! *bows* I had fun with the descriptions and the format really focussed my attention. Your words are much appreciated Smile

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