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 A Primer of WH40K Armies

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Barking Agatha
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Join date : 2012-07-02

PostSubject: A Primer of WH40K Armies   Thu Mar 06 2014, 21:38

Some people are thinking of taking up WH40K and wonder: which army should I choose? Well, whichever one you decide on, you're going to spend a lot of hours painting the miniatures, so the main thing is to choose an army of miniatures that you're going to enjoy painting. But what about the character of the races? Here's a quick and short description of the different armies that you can play in WH40K:

Space Meringues are: Big, tall, super-strong manly men who don't like girls (yuck!). They are fanatically devoted to a mummy that they keep in a wheelchair. They enjoy glorious battle, barking short sentences at each other in gruff voices, and practicing their scowls.

Chaos Space Meringues are: The same, except that they are fanatically devoted to hating the mummy in the wheelchair, and they all have skin conditions.

Chaos Daemons are: Characters from 70s cartoons, the ones they used to make under the influence of some good stuff.

Imperial Guard are: Regular guys and lots of tanks still fighting the First World War. They would prefer to be anywhere else. It's quite sad if you think about it too much.

Adepta Sororitas are: Available only in limited quantities while supplies last.

Tyranids are: Like having a really big ant problem in your kitchen, only worse.

Tau are: Confused. Shouldn't they be in Macross?

Dark Eldar are: Trendy rave fairies and BDSM enthusiasts. They are utterly devoted to fun; maybe not good or clean fun, and maybe not as much fun for other people as it is for them, but immortality is too short to worry about stuff like that.

Eldar are: Also fairies, but they hate fun. Absolutely hate it. They know where fun leads and they want none of it. They spend centuries avoiding fun by studying things like 'the Path of the Accountant', and even then they have to be careful in case they start having too much fun.

Necrons are: Snarky robot skellingtons. They are fans of Physics, and of getting shot and not dying.

Orks are: Football hooligans in space.

Grey Knights are: Snobby space meringues who look down on other space meringues.

Blood Angies are: Bipolar space meringues. They really, really like blood, and put it on everything. For example, they wear blood pajamas, ride bloodmobiles, and eat blood crunchies for breakfast.

Dark Angies are: Space meringues with a dark secret that everyone knows. They wear plain dresses and feathers, and live in gothic castles.

Space Woofs are: Either vikings, or bikers, or werewolves, or a sort of mix. They like wolves. A wolf lord and a wolf priest usually celebrate wolf day by wearing wolf pelts and wolf necklaces while riding wolves on a wolf raid.

Imperial Knights are: Rock'em Sock'em Robots.
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PostSubject: Re: A Primer of WH40K Armies   Tue Mar 11 2014, 22:19

Quote :
Dark Eldar are: Trendy rave fairies and BDSM enthusiasts. They are utterly devoted to fun; maybe not good or clean fun, and maybe not as much fun for other people as it is for them, but immortality is too short to worry about stuff like that.

Eldar are: Also fairies, but they hate fun. Absolutely hate it. They know where fun leads and they want none of it. They spend centuries avoiding fun by studying things like 'the Path of the Accountant', and even then they have to be careful in case they start having too much fun.

love it  lol! 
in fact "Path of the Topiarist" is very popular at the moment, explains how they all weild those Storm Guardian hedge trimmers with WS4 and can cut a bush into an effery of Eldrad from 60 yards, standing on their heads, with those cutty catapult things.
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