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 Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback

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Ciirian
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PostSubject: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Fri Jun 17 2011, 03:27

I had this visual idea for a character based off of a RP character I had. After reading the story on the Wraithkind I as inspired to develop a character. Here's what I came up with. Here is the link to the Wraithkind on GW website.
http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/article.jsp?categoryId=400036&pIndex=1&aId=12800025a&multiPageMode=true&start=2


What if Lord D'raque had a son. Picture this. Ciirian D'raque. A True-born, power hungry, demon summoner. Looks down upon all others in the galaxy, thinks he's superior to all.

Ciirian likes the way crap is going. (Demon summoning, ruling a pleasure city, hes the patron of a all female Wych Cult etc) meanwhile his father Lord Draque plans to succed from Vects rule.The Son thinks Draques stupid for announcing these plans, so, he gives Vect access to those secret portals, steals everything from the Vaults of Aur-lithain, and leaves with his Wych Cult and other followers before Vect attacks and plunges the realm of Aur-lithain into darkness. Ciirian now travels the stars searching to further the dark powers he’s learned over the centuries; the only thing that Vect has outlawed in Commoragh.




Curious to know what others think.
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imanecron
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Fri Jun 17 2011, 03:35

Sounds good. Probable too!
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Gobsmakked
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Fri Jun 17 2011, 03:44

Moving to Background sub-forum.
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rider
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Fri Jun 17 2011, 07:50

when you say: "succed"

do you mean:

secede - to remove from under the leadership of [i think this is what the GW article says]

or

succeed - to take over from

the rest of you backstory sounds like a good idea.
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Ciirian
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Fri Jun 17 2011, 16:44

secede - to remove from under the leadership of [i think this is what the GW article says] -----sorry for my crap spelling.
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Spanna uv Komor-AAAGH!
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Fri Jun 17 2011, 18:44

I like the idea: it gives your Archon a goal outside of simple power and a willingness to leave Commoragh to see his will done.

I would suggest only one little addition. From the way you describe him, he seems to have no connection or ties to Commoragh itself. While this is fairly unique, it feels a little wrong to have Dark Eldar entirely free of the Dark City. I think you should add a few lines about his continuing connections to the Haemonculus Covens(he would probably still need them) or him occasionally sending agents into what remains of Aur-lithain to study it. It wouldn't be much of a stretch for Ciirian D'raque to suspect that what happened to his father's realms involved sorcery and be very interested in studying a magic that seems to be safe to use in the Webway.

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Ciirian
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sat Jun 18 2011, 00:20

One tie I'd figure he'd still have to Commoragh would be his Wych Cult entertaining. It houses many varied creatures and creations to fight in the arena.

I agree with you tho about sending agents into Aur-lithain to study whats become of it. Gives me something to think about for another "count as Haemonculus" agent.
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Torpedo Vegas
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sat Jun 18 2011, 01:08

Moving to Stories and Art sub-forum

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Ciirian
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sat Jun 18 2011, 11:06

If your gonna keep moving my posts around, can ya at least give some feedback after you read and decide its in the wrong place? That would be great.
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sat Jun 18 2011, 13:38

Check your PMs, nex to your Profile on the tool bar, I sent you one yesterday

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Ciirian
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sat Jun 18 2011, 17:17

I saw your pm, I'm just saying. The post has been moved to two different locations by two different moderators. I appologize if I put it in the wrong place; and apparently another mod moved it to the wrong place as well; then its obvious the question could fit into multiple places and it was accidently put where it shouldn't be. My only thing is, if its been read by mod's enough to decide in needed to be moved, some feedback on it would be nice.

Just my thought, not trying to be disrespectfull, I'm just hear to learn about Dark Eldar.
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sat Jun 18 2011, 17:35

It's no ones fault but ours. There's still some confusion over What goes where. Basically if it has to do with specific Kabals, Cults etc it goes in Kabals of the Dark City; if it's about general background it goes in the Background forum, stories of any kind that are fan made go in Stories and Art.

Most of the mod team including myself is fairly new at this. Sorry for any inconveniences.

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Ciirian
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sat Jun 18 2011, 18:31

Its not the inconvenice, I just want some feedback on my ideas Wink
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Khrivaan
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sat Jun 18 2011, 19:40

Could you go into more detail regarding his daemon ties? The notion of an overconfident little twat slowly falling to chaos is appealing. He can still hold daemons/gods in contempt even as they manipulate him.

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Ciirian
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sun Jun 19 2011, 02:10

There is no relation to any Chaos God or Chaos for that matter. There are tons of other demonic entities that exist within the warp that can be manipulated/controlled for a purpse.
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Khrivaan
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sun Jun 19 2011, 02:16

If he is summoning daemons then he has a relation to chaos because daemons are chaos. In that case which daemons is he summoning? How is he using them? How are they using him? Even for a genre savvy Eldar, chaos still corrupts that which it touches.

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Xelkireth
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sun Jun 19 2011, 02:44

Remember that a Dark Eldar the soul siphon occurs more rapidly when exposed overtime to realspace. While he doesn't need to stay in the Commorragh, perhaps it is worth while setting up a fortified styled bunker-realm within the webway for retirement/relaxation purposes.

Or, perhaps with summoning daemons, he has entered into a pact with She Who Thirsts. This same pact, would probably be ritualistic in nature. Your followers would also have to enter the pact to be able to perform the rituals necessary. According, it wouldn't hurt to have some of your guys converted with Slaaneshi claws and whatnot instead of hands.

My thoughts.
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Khrivaan
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PostSubject: Re: Archon Background Story WIP - Would like feedback   Sun Jun 19 2011, 03:00

I like that idea Xelkireth, however I would have it be only the Archon and trueborn who are aware of the pact. Part of the pact may be to capture and deliver Commorrite souls to Slaanesh, which is their real tie to the dark city. The presence of their wych allies serves as a suitable distraction. This would be a good plot even if it isn't what Ciirian has in mind.

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