HomeDark Eldar WikiDark Eldar ResourcesNull CityFAQUsergroupsRegisterLog in
Share | 
 

 The cost of pride.

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Beaviz81
In Exile


Posts : 155
Join date : 2012-01-25

PostSubject: The cost of pride.   29/4/2012, 15:59

The Dark Eldar Archon Alnndor Dagoth walked through the broken hive city of the mon-kieg. Right behind him was the passionate Llhameran Xaxolia, beautifully dressed in a pink-purple sensual battle dress, exposing the upper parts of her breasts and the inner-thighs. A bleak smile played over the black lips of Dagoth as he slowly let his left hand unglowed feel up her inner-thighs, while she sighed sensually.

The retinue of four Incubi stood motion- and emotionless in the blackish ruins of the Arbitratum, not caring one bit about the name or the crumbling building which once had been a gleaming black fortress. One surviving, injured Arbitrator laid by the feet of Dagoth. He felt the man squirm as he placed his foot on the back of the man's head, squeezing the head into the pavement. The mon-kieg cried out in pain as Dagoth laid more and more weight on his foot, until the head burst open, the Arbitrator convulsed to harsh laughter from the Dark Eldars gathered around him.

The oldest son of Dagoth came over. He smiled shouldering his Shardcarabine, he removed his helmet, and shook his head in one graceful motion. "Archon. The mon-kieg-" That was as far he got, a powered sword stuck out from the back to the front of the handsome young Trueborn's face, where his mouth used to be. Then the head was ripped open as a black-clad mon-kieg with a skull-helmet, and the wildest eyes kicked the body of young Dagoth away.

One Incubus, reacted, he swung his Klaive in a way that even a Space Marine should have trouble dodging. Yet the crazed mon-kieg with super-speed side-stepped the Klaive and ripped the head clean off the Incubus, who ran a few paces headless while his head sprayed a torrent of blood, before he stumbled undignified over a broken bench, squirming as his life-blood poured out of his neck.

The next one was more experienced, he fought more defensively, yet to no avail the savage killer finally found an opening, and tore through the Incubus' armour finding the black heart inside, which was squeezed hard so he died. Now Xaxolia struck. She slid her poisoned claws into the body of the mon-kieg penetrating his armour. She turned her head arrogantly to Dagoth, smiling. Then a hand of the mon-kieg came up, it covered her beautiful slender face. It squeezed hard, and her head burst open.

The mon-kieg started to fire his gun at the Archon who now charged in. This was no mere mon-kieg. This was an opponent Dagoth could savor, he sidestepped and dodged the rapid bullets speeding towards him. The berzerk mon-kieg struck out at the Archon who took a step to the side and smacked his Husk Blade into the exposed lower leg of it.

It rotted at the spot, quickly turning to dust, the leg snapped like a rotten twig, yet the mon-kieg flailed after him. Dagoth smiled with contempt, got out his Agonizer. He was so gonna savor this creature's death, he had indeed given him a thrill. He lashed out. The creature died. Then Dagoth felt no more.

Many, many leagues away stood three servants of the Emperor, on a small hill. They all had special binoculars only AdMech could craft. They smiled when they saw the atomic mushroom in their binoculars.

"Too bad the Eversor had to be sacrificed Kelkaris." The woman spoke, to the Inquisitor, while she lowered her binoculars. She smirked, knowing well the platitudes would be lost on him as he stood there with long grey hair, in a blackish suit of power armour.
"The Eversor did his part. He was in it for the result, not your revenge, commissar Ionza." He looked hard-faced on the petite brown-haired woman, as he to lowered his binoculars. "Though your idea couldn't have worked better, just as the Emperor himself willed it." He did the aquila across his chest as he did that, while both commissars shrugged.

"At least the Dark Eldar should be easy prey now, as they are fractured due to in-fighting and assassinations." Carrus spoke, he looked smugly over at Kelkaris, the binoculars were already lowered. "The war is won, but not over. We have to go now." The three mighty servants of the Emperor began to walk to a waiting Valkyrie.


Last edited by Beaviz81 on 29/4/2012, 19:33; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Thor665
Archon
avatar

Posts : 5484
Join date : 2011-06-10
Location : Venice, FL

PostSubject: Re: The cost of pride.   29/4/2012, 19:28

Just because it bugged me the whole time - it's 'mon-keigh' not mon-keig.

Fun little story, solid descriptions. Your grammar could use some work as you did have multiple occasions of an awkward use of tense that kept messing up the flow of the story.

I felt a little betrayed by the story for two reasons - first, only Xaxollia really paid the price of pride.
Second, I'm not quite sure I grok how the warhead got into the situation...was the Eversor carrying it? To be triggered on his death? Why not just place it and withdraw for detonation? A little thrown by that - you could use more explanation as concerns that part.

Descriptives were your strongest plus, very rich detail used nicely, it added a lot to the story.

_________________


The Title Troupe! - Nom fellow posters for custom titles.
Back to top Go down
Beaviz81
In Exile


Posts : 155
Join date : 2012-01-25

PostSubject: Re: The cost of pride.   29/4/2012, 19:36

Tnx, yeah I know my language can be a bit rough.

The warhead was inside the Eversor as it would impossible to pinpoint the location of the Archon by the Imperial servants (without a good challenge). Also I hinted to that had the Archon used the Husk Blade and not the Agonizer as Ionza predicted then the Eversor would have been wasted.
Back to top Go down
Cavash
Lord of the Chat
avatar

Posts : 3168
Join date : 2012-04-15
Location : Stuck in an air vent spying on plotters

PostSubject: Re: The cost of pride.   29/4/2012, 19:37

I think it was the result of Combat Drugs and not a Warhead. Eversor Assassins take a variety of highly addictive drugs that are extremely volatile. They have a rule called Bio-Meltdown, which, when they die, causes them to explode from the dangerous Combat Drugs.

I do like your story. It has good description and combat. It was a joy to read other than a couple of grammatical errors, although they could be overlooked.

It is fast paced and enjoyable.
Well done.

_________________

Back to top Go down
Beaviz81
In Exile


Posts : 155
Join date : 2012-01-25

PostSubject: Re: The cost of pride.   29/4/2012, 19:59

The warhead was placed inside the Eversor by Nana Grace and the Tech-Priest Lucius when he was out of this world, they knew he would die.
Back to top Go down
 
The cost of pride.
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
THE DARK CITY :: 

OTHER DRUKHARI DISCUSSION

 :: Stories & Art; The Black Library
-
Jump to: