HomeDark Eldar WikiDark Eldar ResourcesNull CityFAQUsergroupsRegisterLog in
Share | 
 

 The Cult of Khaine Ascendant

Go down 
AuthorMessage
ramtastic
Hellion
avatar

Posts : 28
Join date : 2012-03-11
Location : Craftworld Kher-Ys

PostSubject: The Cult of Khaine Ascendant   Wed Apr 11 2012, 07:28

The piercing eyes of Khaeloryx reveal the hollow depths of one who has endured suffering and loss beyond the understanding of mortality. Few indeed survive the soul-rending torture of daemonic possession, and in the history of the galaxy only a miraculous handful have had iron will enough to overcome the strangling grasp of an infesting warp entity.
To fight free of a soul thief requires unfathomable strength and guile, the desperate struggle sapping the very last reserves of hope and courage of even the greatest mortals.
Of those who live, not a single one has emerged unchanged.

The last surviving Autarch of the ravaged Kher-Ys Craftworld, Khaeloryx is one such individual, standing now as one who has lost everything, and yet has become something far more dangerous…

Once a fierce and powerful Craftworld, Kher-Ys earned the covetous gaze of She-who-thirsts, who desired above all to possess this glittering jewel. Through guile and treachery the intricate defences of Kher-Ys were overcome and the swarming minions of the Dark Prince were unleashed upon the inhabitants with horrifying hunger.
Having trod many paths in his long life, Khaeloryx had the gift of the seer, and his soul burned as a bright flame that drew the daemonic hunters to him with eager haste to claim it their own. As the daemonic horde assaulted the last defenses of the warhost in the chambers of the Avatar, Khaeloryx was assailed by a mighty warp entity who drew him forth and wracked his body with pleasure and torment. His soul was dragged inwards, screaming, into the timeless depths of his own subconscious.

There he suffered for what seemed an eternity. The daemon inflicted unimaginable torment and temptation as it sought to break his resolve and consume his shattered will completely. Beaten and on the very cusp of his endurance, Khaeloryx let out a psychic scream of raw rage, spending the last of his strength to vent his pain and fury into the warp, crying for the gods to avenge his suffering.
Yet, when his scream died he found that his rage now beat in his chest as a pure source of strength and defiance. His mind flooded with thoughts of revenge and bloodshed as he felt his soul swell within him, the iron grip of the daemon beginning to slip with every heartbeat. Above all, Khaeloryx could feel blistering heat and smell the bitter reek of burning blood as he cast off the tendrils of the daemon and ascended.

When he awoke, he found himself before the empty throne of the Avatar of Khaine, the shattered pieces of the wailing doom lying at his feet. Khaeloryx emerged to find himself complete alone, his craftworld utterly empty of even the corpses of his kin. The rage that had overcome the daemon’s strength consumed all other thought beyond the unholy thirst for revenge, not just upon the daemons who destroyed his home, but upon the god that sent them.
Casting his eyes back upon the empty throne, a vision opened to his eyes and he saw himself holding a great spear of burning iron aloft and his kin flocking to his side from across the galaxy. They came to him from the craftworlds, the maiden worlds and even from the dark pits of the Commoragh, the pure rage of Khaine purging millennia of hatred and uniting them in the name of revenge. As they gathered, their collective rage took form, growing and expanding until it took shape. As he watched the shape resolved and he beheld Khaine, no longer scattered but whole and perfect, standing above the broken corpse of the dark prince, his sword held aloft.

Believing the vision to be prophecy, the Autarch took the shards of the Avatar’s broken blade, forging them with his own blood to create a spear that burned with white fire when he held it, the weapon echoing and amplifying the rage in his heart.
With his own blood on his hands, Khaeloryx set forth to gather a force that would wake a god.
Back to top Go down
Siticus the Ancient
Wych
avatar

Posts : 874
Join date : 2011-09-10
Location : Riga, Latvia

PostSubject: Re: The Cult of Khaine Ascendant   Wed Apr 11 2012, 10:38

That was very well written and quite interesting. I am quite fond of characters that are overcome with powerful visions, that are then left to interpret them their own way. Really would like to see more of his story!

_________________
Siticus Empyrean Vision - my Facebook page with various painting projects
Siticus' Empyrean Visions log - the project log for my Aeldari works and beyond[/color]
Back to top Go down
The_Burning_Eye
Trueborn
avatar

Posts : 2501
Join date : 2012-01-16
Location : Rutland - UK

PostSubject: Re: The Cult of Khaine Ascendant   Wed Apr 11 2012, 12:36

Nice, i like the idea that it was a powerful craftworld that's been utterly destroyed and he's all that's left. The story set the scene nicely, there are a couple of things that I think might help though.

1. The third paragraph mentions 'horrifying hunger'. I'm not sure the alliteration really fits with the epic nature of the story, perhaps 'an insatiable hunger' might work better?

2. Might help to explain why the daemon tried to possess him but just killed everyone else? Maybe they kept the whole seer council and autarchs etc alive and your autarch was the one that survived the longest?

3. Seems to suggest that he's possibly been possessed by the avatar instead? Might be an option worth investigating that the daemon was driven out by the combined will of your autarch and that of the avatar, and he's now still partially possessed by the avatar?

Really looking forward to reading more though

_________________
Tan? You're joking, I'm a gamer, you're lucky I'm wearing deodorant!

My Blog - The Burning Eye Blog (check it out - comments always welcome)

My Project Log - Visions of the Burning Eye

My Gaming Log - Chronicles of the Burning Eye

My Club - MAD Wargaming

My Fluff - Kabal of the Burning Eye, Cult of the Shadowed Blade and Coven of Distorted Perfection
Back to top Go down
http://theburningeye.blogspot.com
Lady Malys
She Who Must Be Obeyed
avatar

Posts : 1095
Join date : 2011-05-18

PostSubject: Re: The Cult of Khaine Ascendant   Wed Apr 11 2012, 17:41

I very much enjoyed the way this was written. It was stirring, involving and immediate. It reminded me of the oldest pieces of Eldar fluff - descriptive and intense.

Well, I wanted to say more than 'wow, cool background' which I so often find myself saying if I'm not careful! Very Happy It also put me in a good mood to GM so thanks for that Smile

_________________


~ Aim to please, shoot to kill. ~
Back to top Go down
CaptainBalroga
Sybarite
avatar

Posts : 283
Join date : 2012-04-08
Location : Space is the place

PostSubject: Re: The Cult of Khaine Ascendant   Wed Apr 11 2012, 22:33

Good stuff! The good Autarch might find himself in opposition with the Halequin faction: I'm not sure if Cegorach would suffer Khaine stealing all the glory in uniting the Eldar races. Though a gradual reconciliation could be just as interesting!

_________________
Back to top Go down
Zehra
In Exile


Posts : 218
Join date : 2011-07-02

PostSubject: Re: The Cult of Khaine Ascendant   Thu Apr 12 2012, 00:18

Wow, this is awesome!!!
Back to top Go down
ramtastic
Hellion
avatar

Posts : 28
Join date : 2012-03-11
Location : Craftworld Kher-Ys

PostSubject: Re: The Cult of Khaine Ascendant   Thu Apr 12 2012, 04:32

wow, thanks guys, and cheers for the feedback burning_eye! I might go back and amend the first bit to add a little more info about the entity that tried to take him and why.

'm planning on adding more chapters explaining Khaeloryx's past on the path of the seer and the path of the outcast and his previous dealings with Commoragh, but life is getting in the way of the hobby at the moment.

Thanks again

_________________
"Our shame gave birth to She-who-thirsts,
and doomed our gods and kin,
Yet rage will heal what shame laid low,
For Khaine shall rise again"


Attr. Khaeloryx God-Waker

The Cult of Khaine Ascendant
Back to top Go down
 
The Cult of Khaine Ascendant
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
THE DARK CITY :: 

OTHER DRUKHARI DISCUSSION

 :: Stories & Art; The Black Library
-
Jump to: