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 Hulk Hunt

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Jonoroba
Slave
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Join date : 2014-08-11

PostSubject: Hulk Hunt   Wed Jun 17 2015, 16:34

'Hulk Hunt'

Patience, patience was one thing Archons were good at,
especially the Archons of the Bleeding Eye, but my patience
is wearing thin. 6 hours ive waited for my prey, and 6 hours
it has the audacity to be late. It was the perfect plan,
wipe out all of the Great Devourer's Gene Stealers, then
use the Hulk to raid the closest Mon' Kiegh planet.
The Space Marines were a bonus.

They came into orbit of the hulk days after we destroyed
the majority of the nests and began to scan it with there
primitive sensors. It was only a matter of time till they
sent in a party to scout the craft, and we waited for them.
6 hours we've waited when they finally showed themselves, 5
figures lumber into view in there so called terminator
armor, 5 of them for 5 of us, I sneered, the odds are
clearly in my favor. We waited until they were just below
us before we pounced. A simple hand gesture and we descended.

I decended with all 4 of my Incubi guard landing perfectly
next to each one of our targets, and of course there leader
is mine. It was easy to tell which one of these lower
weaklings leads this group based on its ornimentation.
Agonizer in 1 hand my custom Blast Pistol in the other,
i squared off against this giant taking in all of its
ponderous movements before choosing to strike.
It moved swinging its powered blade in my direction, I
sidestepped it easily before swing my Agonizer at the boxy
weapon in its other hand, it shears clean in 2. We square
off again, it cannot defeat me it just doesnt know it yet.

One bodyguard lies dead but the rest have killed there prey,
but i'm still toying with this Mon'kiegh, there are rents in
its plate but no serious damage has been dealt. I move in for
the kill thrusting my bladed Blast Pistol at it aiming for
its weaker gorget armor, it penetrates my blades biting deep.
"I feel your pain" i whisper "It is exquisite" before pulling
the trigger, its head evaporates in a wisp of dark energy.

Composing myself i prepare to wait for the next group.
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dumpeal
Wych
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Join date : 2015-02-13
Location : Québec

PostSubject: Re: Hulk Hunt   Sat Jun 20 2015, 00:28

It's good, but I think you don't put enough place to the thirst. The first paragraph is ok, but maybe add a little more expression of impatience in the others.
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Jimsolo
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Join date : 2013-10-31
Location : Illinois

PostSubject: Re: Hulk Hunt   Mon Jul 13 2015, 22:56

@Jonoroba wrote:
'Hulk Hunt'

Patience, patience was one thing Archons were good at, especially the Archons of the Bleeding Eye, but my patience is wearing thin. [s]6[/s] Six hours [s]ive[/s] I've waited for my prey, and [s]6[/s] six hours it has the audacity to be late. It was the perfect plan, wipe out all of the Great Devourer's [s]Gene Stealers[/s] Genestealers, then use the Hulk to raid the closest [s]Mon' Kiegh[/s] mon'keigh planet. The Space Marines were a bonus.

They came into orbit of the hulk days after we destroyed the majority of the nests and began to scan it with [s]there[/s] their primitive sensors. It was only a matter of time [s]till[/s] until they sent in a party to scout the craft, and we waited for them. [s]6[/s] Six hours we've waited when they finally showed [s]themselves,[/s]themselves. [s]5[/s] Five figures lumber into view in [s]there[/s] their so called terminator armor, [s]5[/s] five of them for [s]5[/s] five of [s]us,[/s]us. I sneered, the odds are clearly in my favor. We waited until they were just below us before we pounced. A simple hand gesture and we descended.

I [s]decended[/s] descended with all [s]4[/s] four of my Incubi guard landing perfectly next to each one of our targets, and of course [s]there[/s] their leader is mine. It was easy to tell which one of these lower weaklings leads this group based on its [s]ornimentation.[/s] ornamentation. Agonizer in [s]1 hand[/s] one hand, my custom [s]Blast Pistol[/s] blast pistol in the other, [s]i[/s] I squared off against this [s]giant[/s] giant, taking in all of its ponderous movements before choosing to strike. It moved swinging its powered blade in my direction, I sidestepped it easily before swing my [s]Agonizer[/s] agonizer at the boxy weapon in its other hand, it shears clean in [s]2.[/s] two. We square off [s]again,[/s] again. OR again; it cannot defeat me it just [s]doesnt[/s] doesn't know it yet.

One bodyguard lies dead but the rest have killed [s]there prey but i'm[/s] their prey. But I'm still toying with this [s]Mon'kiegh, there[/s] mon'keigh. There are rents in its plate but no serious damage has been dealt. I move in for the [s]kill[/s] kill, thrusting my bladed Blast Pistol at it aiming for its weaker gorget armor, it [s]penetrates[/s] penetrates, my blades biting deep.

"I feel your pain" [s]there[/s] their whisper "It is exquisite" before pulling the trigger, its head [s]evaporates[/s] evaporating in a wisp of dark energy.

Composing myself [s]there[/s] their prepare to wait for the next group.

There were some compositional errors. You might want to give this a quick proofread before midnight. I highlighted the ones that are fairly straightforward, but any of them that might have been an artistic choice I left alone. Still, you have a full and complete story instead of just a scene, which many flash fiction authors can't accomplish. Kudos!
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Creeping Darkness
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PostSubject: Re: Hulk Hunt   Tue Jul 14 2015, 04:54

Nice story, I like the idea of Dark Eldar setting traps in infested hulks! Now where's my Space Hulk expansion...

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http://thecreepingdarkness.blogspot.com
Jonoroba
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PostSubject: Re: Hulk Hunt   Fri Jul 17 2015, 08:48

Thanks I wrote this up using notepad so I didn't have a spell or grammer check
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